Stress Validation

This is a post I put together a couple months back, but never posted online. Felt like the time was right to to dust it off and share... = )
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As I meander through life I've noticed a tendency in some people to display what I'll call stress validation. Basically, the idea being that certain people have some sort of conscious and/or unconscious need to continually make known the 'high level' of activities in their life and how stressed it has made them. A great place to see this in action is good ole' Facebook. (I'll save the validation-craving world of Twitter for another day. Wait...did someone just scoff at me???) The next time you're on Facebook take a look at some of your friends walls/comments/status updates. I'm sure you can find distinct stress validation trends among certain friends, perhaps even yourself.

Apart from Facebook, I think we can readily identify these people in our lives. A great way to do so is by considering the unexpected, but burdensome stress transfers we find ourselves carrying around. See, the odd thing about stress is that it contagiously transfers from one person to another. When someone is stressed out it makes everyone around them stressed. In the same way, when you're regularly hanging around someone who is consistently stressing it does one of two things. You either unhealthily start carrying their stress as a 'friend' or you begin to loath being around them. In which case you spend your time stressing about how stressed they make you feel and how you can avoid them.

I'm not promoting a stress-free ideology in which we judge all stressed people wrong. The reality is we all handle varying levels of 'junk' being thrown at us. At times, we get stressed out. There's no way around it. What I AM saying is that it's not healthy to find validation in stress and busyness. Nor is it helpful to continually carry your friend's stress without earnestly helping them address the root issue of where they're finding validation.

I'll be honest, the stress validation type of person annoys me and wears me out. I fall into the category of just pushing them away and finding ways not to be around them. In the case of Facebook, I'd prefer to de-friend you or block your updates rather than sit down and talk to you about the issue. This obviously doesn't help them deal with what's going on inside. Just as importantly, it shows how little I truly value those around me when I flippantly give in to my introverted personality. Seriously, can we really ask others to fight their battles if we aren't willing to fight our own?

One final note: Validation isn't limited to stress. We all deal with tendencies towards finding unhealthy levels of validation in a myriad of things. I'm not meaning to elevate stress validation beyond all else with this post, it's just what has been on my mind. We could slide any number of validation issues in it's place: financial, physical, intellectual, etc. They all have sneaky and seemingly harmless ways of fleshing themselves out in our lives. Ways that seem fine on the surface but are often rooted in our validation hungry hearts. To be sure, our constant-feed culture isn't making things easier.

And then a slightly preachy note: For those who are followers of Jesus, our validation should be found in Him and what He's done for us. Without question, this is easier said than done. It's hard to healthily appreciate the kind words someone gives us and not start seeking them from others. It's hard to remember that His grace has done immeasurably more than whatever works we've done. It's hard. And if you're not a follower of Jesus, then I'm sure we can at least agree everyone struggles with finding validation in unhealthy ways.

I know I do.

Matthew