Stress Validation

This is a post I put together a couple months back, but never posted online. Felt like the time was right to to dust it off and share... = )
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As I meander through life I've noticed a tendency in some people to display what I'll call stress validation. Basically, the idea being that certain people have some sort of conscious and/or unconscious need to continually make known the 'high level' of activities in their life and how stressed it has made them. A great place to see this in action is good ole' Facebook. (I'll save the validation-craving world of Twitter for another day. Wait...did someone just scoff at me???) The next time you're on Facebook take a look at some of your friends walls/comments/status updates. I'm sure you can find distinct stress validation trends among certain friends, perhaps even yourself.

Apart from Facebook, I think we can readily identify these people in our lives. A great way to do so is by considering the unexpected, but burdensome stress transfers we find ourselves carrying around. See, the odd thing about stress is that it contagiously transfers from one person to another. When someone is stressed out it makes everyone around them stressed. In the same way, when you're regularly hanging around someone who is consistently stressing it does one of two things. You either unhealthily start carrying their stress as a 'friend' or you begin to loath being around them. In which case you spend your time stressing about how stressed they make you feel and how you can avoid them.

I'm not promoting a stress-free ideology in which we judge all stressed people wrong. The reality is we all handle varying levels of 'junk' being thrown at us. At times, we get stressed out. There's no way around it. What I AM saying is that it's not healthy to find validation in stress and busyness. Nor is it helpful to continually carry your friend's stress without earnestly helping them address the root issue of where they're finding validation.

I'll be honest, the stress validation type of person annoys me and wears me out. I fall into the category of just pushing them away and finding ways not to be around them. In the case of Facebook, I'd prefer to de-friend you or block your updates rather than sit down and talk to you about the issue. This obviously doesn't help them deal with what's going on inside. Just as importantly, it shows how little I truly value those around me when I flippantly give in to my introverted personality. Seriously, can we really ask others to fight their battles if we aren't willing to fight our own?

One final note: Validation isn't limited to stress. We all deal with tendencies towards finding unhealthy levels of validation in a myriad of things. I'm not meaning to elevate stress validation beyond all else with this post, it's just what has been on my mind. We could slide any number of validation issues in it's place: financial, physical, intellectual, etc. They all have sneaky and seemingly harmless ways of fleshing themselves out in our lives. Ways that seem fine on the surface but are often rooted in our validation hungry hearts. To be sure, our constant-feed culture isn't making things easier.

And then a slightly preachy note: For those who are followers of Jesus, our validation should be found in Him and what He's done for us. Without question, this is easier said than done. It's hard to healthily appreciate the kind words someone gives us and not start seeking them from others. It's hard to remember that His grace has done immeasurably more than whatever works we've done. It's hard. And if you're not a follower of Jesus, then I'm sure we can at least agree everyone struggles with finding validation in unhealthy ways.

I know I do.

Matthew

Nomads

Modern day nomads. That's us in a nutshell. You might question our direction, or you might secretly admire the freedom. Maybe both. All I can say is that it feels good to have broken free from the norm. Not that there's anything wrong with working your way up the ladder in a typical American company. I've just seen enough of myself to know it's not where I need to be long-term.

Letting go of a reasonably good job, saying goodbye to a wonderful home, and leaving friends wasn't necessarily easy, but it was right. I'd spent long enough trying to force myself to remain in an occupational mold that I'm not cut out for and, frankly, isn't needed. Don't get me wrong, I'm not looking to just sit back and live off government handouts. I'll do whatever is needed to put bread on my family's table. However, when options exist, I feel confident that I'm skilled, smart enough, and wired to set sail on my own course and not be limited to working within someone else's. This summer was a wonderful start to that new course.

With that being said, here's what we are up to. We left Arkansas on Oct 31st. Thankfully, we had pre-sold the Airstream and were able to deliver it on our way back to Missouri. We are currently living at a family cabin on Table Rock Lake near Branson, Missouri. Matthew is working on his own in the avionics business. Kyla is working at home full-time and enjoying the additional time and energy she has with our boys. As mentioned in another post, we will be traveling often (likely one or two weeks a month). We have been in KC the past week and will be in St. Louis later in the month.

The future is completely and totally wide open. The freedom I feel is both exciting and comforting. At this point, we do not have plans past the spring. We will base at the lake for the winter and see where we feel led to go in the spring. And for those who may be curious, the possibility of purchasing some sort of campground/resort property is certainly not out of the question. It's something that could be done in 6 months, 6 years, or 60 years. We'll just have to wait and see where our nomadic clan ends up!

Matthew

(No, that's not us in the picture)

What's going on?

Well, it's been a while since our last update. Things are rapidly coming to a close in Buffalo City Arkansas. We have just a couple of weeks left in our Airstream. Speaking of which, we're happy to say that the Airstream has already been sold. We'll deliver it to the new owners at the end of the month. Kyla will be crying as we say goodbye to our 63' dream.

Last week we enjoyed a visit from our Mulanax grandparents. They made a special trip to WBR to meet little Finnley, who is now two months old. I'm not sure which I enjoy more, watching our boys play with their great-grandparents or watching my grandparents play with our children. Many kids never get to know their great-grandparents, even fewer get to play on a playground with them. Here's a great photo of Tucker Jack and Grandpa Jack.

We hope our boys are blessed with many years of getting to know all of their great-grandparents.

Micah has been busy collecting black walnuts for the past week. He's planning to gather as many as he can over the next couple of weeks and sell them in town for some extra money. Thanks to the walnuts, his hands are now stained even dirtier than before! = )

Here are some more recent pics from life:

A bird feeder Micah thought up, designed, and handcrafted out of wild Mushrooms.

What's next...

Believe it or not, it's already been five and a half months since we began living in an 8x30 tin can. An amazing, challenging, and eye-opening experience; it's one we surely will not soon forget. None-the-less, the end of October will soon be here.

Many of you have probably wondered what in the world we'll be doing next. We are still in the process of sorting out our post Buffalo City living and working plans. The options are endless and the future feels wonderfully wide open. However, our time here is ending and we must make some final decisions.

As of now, here are some of the things we see happening over the next few years. Some of these we have known for a while, some we have learned over the past few months. In no particular order:

- Resort ownership is likely at least 3-5 years off
- We are not planning on moving back to Kansas City
- Matthew will most likely be opening an avionics business
- Kyla will return to focusing full-time on our family
- We are more at home in rural settings than urban/suburban ones and plan to live accordingly
- We will likely start and sell/close several businesses
- Micah will be home schooled starting next fall
- Our family will be traveling often and everywhere (yes, we like staying busy)
- We will continue living simply/minimally
- We plan on building our own house/cabin

We appreciate your prayers as we move to the next point on our journey.

The Trapper

Micah has informed us he has decided to be a "trapper" when he grows up. What is a "trapper" you may ask? Well, in Micah's own words:



trapper: one who catches animals and sells them to pet shops

It's very humane. So far he only catches animals and lets them go. His current profit is his delight in enjoying them. No wildlife has been sold yet.

This past week Micah "trapped" a crawdad, a frog, a snake, a butterfly, a walking stick . . . I'm sure I'm forgetting some. He's been busy. And I can't get photos of them all.


The Animal Log

Since we moved to the White Buffalo Resort in April, Micah has been on many animal adventures! He has seen many bats, deer, herons, vultures, snakes, rabbits, possums, blue-tailed skinks, turtles, a river otter, a local raccoon family, and O yes, FISH. He has become a great fisherman! Micah knows where to go on the rivers here to catch rainbow trout, large and small mouth bass, and catfish. And minnows too.








Micah has even had the opportunity to hold a baby armadillo this summer! Our neighbors brought it over one evening after they caught it. On his own he has caught and held a few turtles, bull frogs, crawdads, and lots of worms and bugs. He loves catching butterflies with his net, but this week caught a young snake with it. You can see how proud he is.








In late July, Micah scooped up 6 tiny tadpoles which we kept in a mason jar. It was so much fun feeding them, learning about the cycle of life, and watching them develop into little frogs. Micah just let the frogs go free last week!





Last week Micah also built a "mole house" in our yard. It is a small fortress built out of rocks and sticks. And then, a few days ago, his friend Evan, brought a mole over to show Micah! Here it is . . . in the mole house that was waiting for it. Can you spot it burrowing to escape the sunlight?



Let us know if you're in need of a trapper. We'll send our 4 year old right over.

Finnley Pictures

Here's some much anticipated pictures of our newest addition. More to come in the days ahead...

Wide-eyed and looking at Mommy just minutes after arrival

Proud Parents

Tucker's excited to meet his little brother

Micah and Finnley (and Micah's frog)

Picture time

In the car-seat ready to go home

Introducing...Finnley Morgan

Today at 4:43 pm we were finally blessed with the arrival of our third son. As written above, Finnley Morgan Leiboult is the answer to our long-held riddle of guessing the baby's name. (Sorry to burst the bubble of all the sceptics out there who thought we were hiding that it was going to be a girl!)

Here's the stat's:

Weight - 8 lbs 3.5ozs
Length - 22 1/4 inches
Hair - lots of dark brown

In addition to mom, dad, and his big brothers; Finnley's already met: Grandma and Papa Leiboult, Aunt Melissa, Grammy Bryan, Aunt Katrina, plus cousins Bailey and Rhys. Needless to say it was a busy evening for us.

We look forward to a restfull night and will post more pictures and information tomorrow.

I couldn't be more proud of my wife. She did great!

August 8, 2010 @ 9:40 PM

We are bringing you latest news from Buffalo City, Arkansas. Today we are happy to report that we went fishing, swam in the pool, and worked around the resort. However, the baby's still happily hiding inside his mommy. = )

More to come soon . . .

And his name shall be called...

We have finally decided upon a name for our baby boy. However, after much consideration, we have also decided that you, our dear friends, must wait to find out what it is! = ) We thought you might enjoy a good tease...

However, with the way Kyla's feeling right now you may not have to wait long. Either way, our due date is just a week away!

You're welcome to try and guess, but the odds aren't in your favor! We do ask for your prayers that the delivery would be smooth and without complications.

(photo taken by Debra Ackmann around week 34)

Any time now...

Kyla's due date is Aug 7th and rapidly approaching. Here's a pic from earlier this week during a family afternoon on the river. She's a trooper. Send her a note of encouragement if you have a chance sometime in the next couple of weeks.

M

Family Reunion

WBR recently hosted the somewhat-annual Mulanax/Leiboult family reunion. A massive undertaking to be sure! (For those of you who are unaware, Matthew's family is relatively small.) Though with each year the family seems to grow as the younger generation has starting marrying, having children, etc.

This years reunion was mildly affected by heavy rains, but thanks to a large cabin and the bulk of the rain coming at night, plans were not too thwarted. It did throw a wrench in the quality of fishing as the Bull Shoals dam started generating heavy amounts of water after a long period of relatively small amounts. The guys caught a few fish, but not what you would expect from a world-class trout stream. Northern Arkansas had been an extremely dry place for over a month preceding the reunion. However we're once again enjoying green grass and high humidity!

We enjoyed spending time with family and celebrating numerous birthdays, including Jack Mulanax's (Matthew's grandpa) 80th. As always, time seems to fly and with everyone together it often feels as though you don't get enough time with each person. Everyone contributed to some great cooking, so no one left hungry (special shout out to Bobby and his delicious brisket!).

Matthew and Micah were able to go fishing with his grandma a few days after everyone else had left. (Carolyn and Harold stayed for a week.) They had a great time and caught numerous fish!

Here are some pictures from everyone's visit:

A month's worth...

Yes, it’s been quite some time since we last posted. Much has been happening in that time. Here are some of the highlights:

During June 17 - 20 Micah and Tucker accompanied their mommy on a trip to Cedar Rapids, Iowa. Kyla was a beautiful and pregnant bridesmaid in her cousin Rebecca’s wedding. On the way to Iowa the boys were able to have a play date with many of the kids from our church in KC. The boys were definitely looking forward to seeing their friends. Kyla’s mother made the trip from KC to Iowa and back, and was a great help and road trip companion for Kyla.

From June 21 - 25 we welcomed our good friends Charles and Debra Ackmann to WBR. Not only them, but their son Caleb and their newest addition, Silas, who we met for the first time. We enjoyed catching up with one another and watching their oldest son Caleb try some new activities in the great outdoors. One of the days everyone took an afternoon trip to tour Blanchard Springs Caverns. It was a wonderful tour, exciting for kids and adults alike. Living in Minneapolis means we are usually limited to a once-a-year visit with the Ackmann’s, but we certainly enjoyed our time with them and appreciated their coming all the way down.

On June 29 we headed back to KC to finish emptying our house. Earlier in June we made the decision to go ahead and lease the house for a period of time. Honestly, we’re not sure what amount of time that is, but most likely 1 - 3 years. After sorting through a hefty stack of applications we settled on a local family with two children in a private school in Independence. We spent ALL day on June 30th removing items and doing a final cleaning of the property. All that space sure did seem nice! July 1 we headed to Ozark to unload many of our items in storage and eventually make our way back to WBR. It was a loooong trip.

July 2 - 5 we hosted our friends Marc and Amber Dickensheets at WBR. Marc and Matthew worked together at White Industries and remain good friends. Marc and Amber have one son, Johnathon (15 months), and another child on the way. Matthew worked extra hard helping to show Marc the ins and outs of trout fishing. Unfortunately they had the dam shut off the entire holiday weekend, which made fishing in the great White River take a turn for the worse. All was not lost though, Marc still caught and cooked his fill of trout.

Now, we are preparing to welcome in Matthew's entire extended family at WBR. They will be traveling in from Texas and Missouri starting July 7 and will depart July 11.

Somewhere in all this we are preparing to have a baby. Kyla is now 36 weeks along and all is well with the baby. Kyla is definitely looking pregnant and wearing down quicker than usual. We hope to have a name picked out in the next two weeks. Stay Tuned.

A New Nephew

Wednesday, June 2nd, we celebrated the arrival of our newest nephew!

Paxton Ryan Schlegel was born just before 3pm, weighing 8 lbs. and measuring 21" long. Matthew's sister, Melissa is doing well as she is recovering from the delivery. She and her husband, Matt [yes, our brother-in-law's name is Matt], and Paxton arrived home yesterday.

Paxton is such a calm and beautiful boy. We praise the Lord for the gift this little boy is in our lives. We thank Him for giving Melissa and Paxton sustained health throughout their journey together so far.

Micah especially loved holding his new cousin. Tucker, on the other hand, was more interested in exploring the hospital room, but was very sweet when interacting with Paxton.

It was good for our family to see and hold and hear a newborn.

We are only 2 months away from meeting our little boy! O, how life is going to change for us all! We ask God to prepare us for the addition of another child. We feel mostly ready for another baby boy, but raising another man to love and fear the Lord . . . that weight is much greater. We entrust all our boys to the Giver of Life, and pray we do all we can to help them trust Jesus too.

We deeply appreciate your support, friendship, and prayers in our lives.

Please also pray for Matt and Melissa as this is their first baby and they are filled with excitement and some anxiety - not to mention sleepless nights.

A picture's worth . . .

Gone Fishin'

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The Boys Love Frogs

The Beginnings of Our Garden

The Bryans Come to Visit

Our Texas Trip